When you go in for your first chemotherapy, one of the nurses gives you a "teach" about what to expect while on chemo. My nurse, DJ, was awesome. Super patient and friendly, and apologetic that my first chemo was a complete shitshow (not because I was actually shitting everywhere, it just took them forever to release my meds, so what should've only been about a 6 hour day ended up being closer to 9.) She gave me a bunch of packets of information as far as possible side effects, phone numbers to call if I had any problems, and what to look out for if I had an allergic reaction to the drugs. It was way too much to read, and luckily she summarized it for me, knowing I'd probably never look at those pages again. I don't know about you, but before I was diagnosed with cancer myself, I was pretty naive about the whole experience. I had seen my grandma go through it when I was 16, but all I knew was that she was making frequent trips to the hospital, she was tired all the time and had no energy, and eventually she was put into hospice care. I was in the hospital room when she died. So, my picture of cancer was that. You go to chemo, you get sick, you might lose your hair, and then you may or may not live. But, in reality, there's so much more to it than that. This time around, I'll spare you any philosophical or insightful comparisons of what the cancer experience is like. I'm actually intending for this to be much more lighthearted. Cancer took a lot of things from me, but my sense of humor wasn't one of them.
Two of the listed side effects in the packet that DJ gave me were diarrhea and constipation, and it was pretty much a crap-shoot, literally, as to which lovely side effect your body might grace you with. I tried to prepare for anything that might come at me by heading to the store with my mom and stocking up on things I thought might help. So, I bought both a probiotic to help me poop if I ended up constipated (which I'd been told for years by doctors that I already was), and also Imodium for if I just couldn't stop going. It took about 21-25 days for the side effects to start showing up. My hair started falling out, despite the cold caps, coffee suddenly tasted disgusting, I broke out into a horrible rash from an allergic reaction to the chemo, and I had nose bleeds every day. I was also starting to gain weight, which was incredibly disheartening. When I started chemo, I was at my lowest weight (123 lbs) in my adult life, and I was super proud of what my body looked like. I had decided I wanted to put my best effort into maintaining that weight, despite knowing I'd probably continue to gain because of being on steroids, by eating healthy. I would eat yogurt and salads and laid off the sweets. I'm not entirely sure when my body decided to start boycotting that effort, but eventually I couldn't digest any sort of leafy greens. Or corn. Or tomatoes. Basically I was shitting salad. It got to the point where I would eat a salad, and within less than twenty minutes, my stomach would be hurting, and I'd be running for a toilet. So I got the lucky side effect of diarrhea. Imodium was my best friend last summer. It was at that point, that I just gave up trying to eat healthy. I figured, if my body was boycotting the healthy stuff I was trying to feed it, I might as well enjoy what I was putting into my mouth. I ate a lot of double stuf oreos last summer. Every once in a while, I would attempt to eat a salad again, and I would end up with the same result.
Fast forward a year later, and I've been done with treatment since February of this year. I eat healthy and I workout 4-6 days a week. I lost 10 pounds of the twenty I gained during chemo, and then I gained some of it back in the form of muscle. I am happy and healthy, and I wake up grateful for the life I'm leading on a daily basis. And because of my new, healthy eating and workout habits, I finally poop on a daily basis. Okay, TMI, I know, but if you've gotten this far into this post, the whole thing has been pretty TMI, and I really don't have much shame. For the first time in 28 years, I finally poop everyday and I completely understand my doctors concerns when I was a sophomore in high school and an X-ray of my abdomen showed so much cloudiness she gave me nutrition advice. Back then, a bowel movement every two to three days was my normal. Now, if I go more than 24 hours without pooping, I feel bloated and incredibly uncomfortable. I actually notice a difference in the way my body feels and how it effects my day, which is a little weird, but also nice in the sense that I feel like I have a much better understanding of my body and what it needs.
But here's where the problem lies. I've had a few lingering chemo side effects, like chemo brain, horrible heartburn, and the nose bleeds that didn't stop until I had a vein in my left nostril cauterized. At some point, I was finally able to eat salads again without running to the bathroom. But, apparently, I still can't digest certain foods. Corn is one of them. I know, you're going to say, but everyone poops corn. But, do they poop out every last kernel that they put in their mouth? Because I'm fairly certain that's not normal.. And, as of the last few days, I've come to learn that my body is still not a fan of dense leafy greens.
In the past 4 months or so, I've put on about 7 lbs of the 10 I lost. Some of it muscle, some of it fat. In an effort to get my body fat percentage down, I've been experimenting with my diet, and trying to push myself harder in workouts. So for the last four days, I've been tracking my macros again (proteins, carbs, and fats). During that time at breakfast, I've had kale with my eggs. Great source of fiber, right? Well, my body certainly thinks so. Rather than immediately running to the bathroom in 20 minutes of eating it, my body has been taking it's sweet ass time, attempting to digest it, but then in the morning I've been .... you guessed it, pooping kale! It seems as though this is one lingering chemo side effect that I'm just going to have to constantly be wary of. I guess part of my "new normal" is just that I'm going to have to be aware of where the nearest toilets are at all times....
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