Insomnia.

I'm exhausted. I seriously can't remember the last time I slept through the night or had a good night's sleep. Lately, not even any prescription medication has given me the rest my body craves. Insomnia is one of the biggest side effects of chemotherapy - I'm pretty sure every person who's had chemo or is currently in chemo treatments has had problems with sleep. And while I knew that from the start - one of my friend's mom's warned me that it was the worst side effect she had during her treatment for breast cancer- I still don't think I really knew what people meant. I haven't reached a point of tears from lack of sleep level of frustration - but I'm sure that moment will come. Right now, I put myself to bed with ear plugs in, hoping to block out noise (like Maggie, my cat, knocking over all of my DVD's), and then I drift off to sleep. But, every night, without fail, about two hours later, I wake up to go to the bathroom. And then that's how the rest of my night goes. I'm constantly up going to the bathroom, or tossing and turning because some part of my body hurts or is uncomfortable. Or if it's not trying to get comfortable, it's that I'm too hot one minute, and too cold the next.

I used to be a champ at taking naps - I'd be able to lay down and sleep for two hours and feel rested afterwards. Not anymore. Now I lay down, and just toss and turn until I give up completely on my attempt. That's usually how the mornings go, too. I'll wake up to go to the bathroom for the fifth time in the night, and then look at the clock, and can't fall back asleep since I have to be up in 20 minutes anyway.

It's my hope that these next two months pass quickly, and that I'll finally find some peace and get a restful night's sleep. I can't really blame the chemo, too much, though because I had this problem of not being able to sleep well even before I started treatment. I think now it's just amplified due to the stress in my life. I need to find more ways of relieving my tension and calming my mind.